5.13.2011

Reason

There is this ever present tension in my mind that tries to balance action that arises out of feeling versus that arising out of duty. I’m sure I will post about this later, because it represents a conflict of colossal magnitude in my current view of christian spirituality.

I only feel like being upright every so often. But I am quite certain I should be upright all the time. I have no interest, let alone a need, for a part-time religion. But if I were a christian when I felt like it, well, I wouldn’t be a christian very often. So here duty steps in, with a weary return, and fills in the cracks in the pavement where "feeling" is incapable of propping up my morality.

I guess I’m just saying the obvious: the way is narrow. Doing what is right is traveling uphill. So what else is new? Sometimes the reason for persevering, exceeding, and improving is so hard to find.

It’s kind of like Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting. He’s a brilliant genius with a terrible childhood, and he is quite defensive. Consequently, refuses to take any risks, whether with his career or relationships. The life he leads is selfish because he sees no reason to do better.

When his friend (who is more like a brother) Chuckie asks him about the opportunities that have arisen for him, Will informs Chuckie he just wants to stay right where he is and continue laying brick for a living.

Chuckie : Look, you got something none of us have.

Will : Oh, come on! Why, why is it always this? I f*in' owe it to myself to do this or that. What if I don't want to?

Chuckie : No, no, no. F* you. You don't owe it to yourself. You owe it to me.

'Cause tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and I'll be 50, and I'll still be doin' this shit. And that's all right. That's fine. I mean, you're sittin' on a winnin' lottery ticket. You're too much of a pussy to cash it in, and that's bullshit. 'Cause I'd do f*in' anything to have what you got. So would any of these f*in' guys. It'd be an insult to us if you're still here in 20 years. Hangin' around here is a f*in' waste of your time.

Will : You don't know that.

Chuckie : I don't?

Will : No. You don't know that.

Chuckie : Oh, I don't know that.

Let me tell you what I do know. Every day I come by your house, and I pick you up. We go out and we have a few drinks and few laughs, and it's great. You know what the best part of my day is? It's for about ten seconds: from when I pull up to the curb and when I get to your door. 'Cause I think maybe I'll get up there and I'll knock on the door and you won't be there. No "good-bye," no "see ya later." No nothing. You just left.

I don't know much, but I know that.

It's funny how much I love Will in this movie. He's a good kid, hence the title. But really messed up. And he never felt like he had to try at anything, just because he never had a reason to.

It takes his friend flat out telling him to realize that there are other people in the world besides him.

I forget all the time what my friends, my family, and my God has done for me.

What I do does not represent only myself. It is also a manifestation of the investments made by those that love me.

So, to all the lovers: thanks for all the reasons.

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